 "Photo: Photo courtesy of www.datingonline365.com")
In the past few days, I've been called a “serial dater,” “player,” and my personal favorite, "pimpamamma" by my friends and roommates. Why? Because in three days I had three dates. Match.com has turned me into a real pimpamamma—and I don't hate it.
In a world where "dating" pretty much consists of a sweaty rendezvous on the Toad's dance floor and awkward “sexting” afterwards, it has been pretty refreshing to interact with men who are interested in getting to know me for longer than one weekend. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been on a "real" date (at least not in this country—during my semester abroad in Ireland, I went on a few dates because, for some odd reason, those Irish men still practice chivalry and actually ask girls out on dates. Imagine that!), so I was pretty nervous about my weekend plans. I had scheduled dates for Thursday night, Friday evening and even Saturday afternoon.
Unfortunately, my three days of back-to-back dating started off, not with a bang, but a flop. Turns out I had to cancel my plan for Thursday evening drinks in New Haven thanks to another story I had to cover. Alas, such are the obligations of a journalist by day, serial dater by night. (Luckily we've rescheduled, so stay tuned!)
Friday, however, proved far more interesting. As advised by my cousin who also advised me to give Match a try, I met the guy at the place. And as previously mentioned, I was pretty nervous. Luckily—let's call him “Mark”—was very easy to talk to, made me laugh, and was chivalrous to boot. We had a few drinks (which he paid for) and talked for about two hours. (So chivalry does exist in this country! Though he did mention he is 50 percent Irish, so that might have something to do with it.)
Mark isn't exactly what I'd describe as my usual type, (his profile is lacking in much flair, we're not described as a very good match in Match terms, and we hardly discussed music or farmers markets, two of my listed interests) yet there was something amiable about him. I suppose you could call it "chemistry." We left on good terms, with a comforting hug and tentative dinner plans.
Friday and Saturday were like night and day. I met "Nate" in New Haven at a coffee shop for, as he put it in an e-mail "coffee and conversation, lol"—one of our mutual Match interests. I had expected to get on nicely with Nate, which I did. The 20-year-old massage therapy student listens to the same bands I do, enjoys art and photography, and shares my somewhat hippie view of the world. However, in person, I felt like I was hanging out with someone I would have been best friends with four years ago rather than someone I could see myself with in the future. While I still listen to Jack Johnson, I don't sport hemp necklaces or use other "hemp" products anymore. Sorry, but while 17-year-old me probably would have loved 20-year-old Nate, 21-year-old me thinks we're better off as friends. Maybe I'm growing up. That's weird.
While I may be entering the world of mature dating with my Match experiences, there are certainly a number of immature creeps out there. One guy from Utah IM'ed me on Match the other day, with the suave intro: "wats a beautiful girl like u doin single" followed quickly by "do u like to cuddle?" Thanks, but no thanks.
The award for most ridiculous virtual pick up line I've ever heard goes to the 34-year-old self-proclaimed handsome pilot who, in response to my polite pre-crafted decline message after his initial contact, sent me the following message: "too bad cuz I am handsome and would be all over you. It would be hot to be friends with benefits because I agree we are too far apart in age to date." Needless to say, I have hence forth blocked Handsome Pilot from contacting me.
Despite the potential creeps lurking, there appears to be possibility in the realm of "true love." At least that seems to be the case for one real-life person I know. Let's keep him anonymous, but this Quinnipiac student whom I used to date appeared on my Matches one day. At first I was surprised, then not so much-- it actually makes perfect sense, given that he's a nice guy who always wanted a relationship more fervently than I did. I mentally wished him luck in his search. Turns out my cosmic powers may be stronger than I thought, because next time I logged onto Facebook, I saw he is now listed as in a relationship. Match magic? I'm guessing so.
Match men seem to be looking for love or just new friends after having moved to a new place. That's one big theme I've noticed—a lot of Match members, especially the ones in their 20’s, have just moved to a new place and are looking to meet people. More specifically, many of the guys seem to work in male-centric industries: Mark, for example, works at a golf course full-time, and I've seen a lot of guys who work in information technology and consulting, or are in the army. I'm guessing it's hard for these guys to meet girls in their everyday lives, unless it be at a crowded bar, which doesn't seem primed for love.
Still, I've gotten bolder over time and more confident in this whole idea of love in the first place. At first my mantra was very much similar to what I practice in real life—it's the guy's job to make the first move, and if something happens, great. For some reason, some of those social barriers break down online and, well, I'm much more confident emailing a man than I would be approaching someone at a bar. Maybe this will make me more confident in real life too? Isn't confidence supposed to be sexier anyway? But besides that, my opinions on love are slightly altering. I wouldn't say there's a sweeping change, but I've definitely started to shy away from the cynicism that has (up until now) defined much of my love life. I mean, how could a cynical person put themselves out there on Match like that?
To sum it up, here’s a conversation I recently had with my best friend from home: "That's exciting that you're going on dates. What if you fall in love?" she asked, to which I replied with some snarky remark and a laugh. "Well if you did, that would officially make your life a Rom-Com," she said. Romantic comedy? Now that sounds more like my sense of humor.
Look for a chronicling of this writer’s experiences in Quad News issues to come! Check Part I in the series here.
2 comments